Ask Phil - 003

Dear Phil,

I am 15. My best friend has a mother who is always on her case about everything she does. She is the middle of five daughters. Her mom is always after her about boys calling, housecleaning, and other chores. Everyday I go over and help her with her chores because she is not permitted to go out. My friend makes it worse by yelling at her mother, forging her signature, and lie to her. How can I help them?

Signed,
badwriter


badwriter,

You certainly are!
"My friend makes it worse by yelling at her mother, forging her signature, and LIE to her."

You. So. Stupid.

Maybe your friend's mother would be nicer to her if she didn't hang out with stupids like you all the time.

And anyway, who cares what she thinks? She got duped into having 5 kids! I mean, that's real smart. Just keep poppin' em out so people like me have to pay for them to go to school. And hey, maybe they could buy an SUV to fit all their rugrats. And then when i'm sitting in the quiet coffee house, you can bring them all in so they can run around and squawk while they wait for you to get a half-ass-no-whips-machiavelli or whatever. And then when little Skyler and Tyler walk over to me and say "whatcha doooing??" You won't even think that i don't want to talk to your kids or that they are bothering me and you'll let them bug the shit out of me, even though it is obvious that i am high and reading a wikipedia article about cthulhu.

And you'll just stand there in your spandex jogging pants, with your Louis Vuitton bag. Are you coming from, or going to the gym lady? That's the only time you should be wearing those.

Am i right?

I hope that answers your question!

Phil.

P.S.
You're doubly stupid because if you're friend is not permitted to go out, why are you helping her with her chores. She obviously has time to do them. Suckaaaa!!!