Special Feature 03: I promise this is the only time I will do this.

America:

For crying out loud, get your heads out of your asses.

Some of you are still on the fence about casting your vote this fall - or even more interesting, some of you are going to be voting for John McCain.

If this is you, what exactly has he done to distance himself from the legacy and policies of George W. Bush? I'm not baiting you here, I'd just like to know. Seems to me, that he's pretty comfortable with a lot of what is happening under our current administration.

And let's examine that in brief:
In the last eight years, haven't we become truly, truly fucked? Comparatively speaking, of course - we're not in the same boat, as say, Iraq. Well, we are in the same boat - we're just playing the piano while the whole fucking thing sinks to the bottom.

How about that foreclosure rate, people losing their life savings, rocketing unemployment rates, costly foreign ventures that have cost the lives of tons of kids too idealistic and uneducated to know any better (thank you Armed Forces recruiters in our public school systems). Now I know that not all of our armed forces are uneducated, I'm just saying that they prey on those kids. Just watch a U.S. Army commercial - cue shitty radio rock "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" for Christ's sake - dudes with huge guns, a big jeep "muddin'" etc. Makes me want to vomit - oh, and then they run them in front of your big budget action films at your local movie theater - no young males there.

Let us continue...
So this war has helped to bankrupt our country, and now our economy is a joke on the world stage. Maybe next time you take a cute little cruise to Mexico and you're all excited to go to the duty-free shop - you'll have to just buy one bottle of Mariah Carey's new perfume. Won't that be sad? Other countries can't trust the American dollar - due to our unstable and tanking economy - isn't that great?

You feel like a conservative? Look up governmental conservatism and tell me if you think our current administration hasn't betrayed that. What you think conservatism means - is probably christianity based. Which in politics, is not so correct. Or at all correct.


But you won't vote for Obama yet?
I know I know, I can see he is black too. But in reality he is only part-black. And who cares anyway? Oprah is black America, and you loooovveee her. I know Obama has yet to utter the phrase "Take a look under your seat!" to give you the new lotion that makes you look less like you drive a minivan to church. But he's busy running for president.

And yeah, I know his middle-name is Hussein. Gee, isn't that terrifying? A man received the name Hussein nearly twenty fucking years before Saddam Hussein took power - and nearly ten years before he did anything questionable on a grand level. He should be judged accordingly! Never mind the fact that we don't, in fact, name ourselves - his parents named him Hussein, so i guess don't vote for his parents in the fall. It is reasonable for you to do that.

Oh man, and foreign policy - he's inexperienced, etc.
Well, a lot of foreign leaders (including leaders of Iraq and Iran) seem to be more than happy to work with him. Wouldn't that be helpful in dealing with foreign affairs? And while he was making appearances and speeches in Germany this past week - McCain was making jokes about how many people like Obama, while standing in a German restaurant in Ohio. You'd rather have a president that chides by making stupid jokes, rather than speaking/focusing on his own policies? And since when did the American people and press and foreign leaders liking a candidate become something to joke about in a democracy? Answer: after Bush won by losing [see 2004 election].

I mean, I won't even get into all the gaffes McCain made this week (you know, like insisting on
more attention for the Iraq/Pakistan border which doesn't exist, or talking about Czechoslovakia which hasn't existed for 15 years or so).

And this is the last thing I'll say...
Not everyone who is smarter than you is arrogant.
Don't you want this country to be run by someone smarter than you? I do, and if you're holding onto voting for McCain based on this arrogance thing - I'm smarter than you. Or at least I'm making a smarter (and probably, better informed) decision than you.

But don't listen to me, do some research. I know you're not in school anymore America - but research can help you out of school, too.

yeesh.