we've moved...

...onto a new site... we're a tumblr blog now... dig it

http://dangerousstuff.tumblr.com...

awesome.

the next big thing...

white guy, outside a hippie coffee shop, excited hand gestures...

"fuck this war/i can't take it no more/i freestyle off the dome/take it straight to the core"


kinda dude that would look at you blankly if you ever mentioned krs-one.

like hip hop started when 8 mile came out.

please think of your unborn child...

wednesday night's happy valley show.

young lady, drunk (possibly preggos) - "dancing." or basically alternating between some sort of shakira-ish belly dance move and grabbing her own boobs while bending over. quite a sight.



see? this same girl was at a happy valley show some two months back and as she did this night, went on stage and started yelling nonsense into the microphone. the best part is, she has no idea who the band is. she just happened to be THAT wasted at two separate shows, and each time she got onstage to sing into a microphone.

where are your parents? where are you friends?

nevermind, you probably lost them in your giant butt crack.

good day to be a nerd.

That guy above. That's Garrett Oliver. Who's Garrett Oliver?

Garrett Oliver is the brewmaster at Brooklyn Brewing. He's written a couple of books and accomplished a slew of beer related accomplishments, etc. Check out this bio.

So anyhow, after hosting a dinner earlier in the evening, Mr. Oliver made his way to the bar. Not only is he a beer nerd celebrity. He apparently also used to put on shows in the city, including one that found him bowling with the Ramones (seriously), and he also used to make his on scifi zine in college.

I found this out when I asked him to sign my copy of Dune.



Badass.

Things to Like: Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel is like, other worldly hot.
So hot that if you said, "Zooey, I'd like to take a picture of you," and she said "Great, and I'll hold this sign that says Zooey Deschanel - Frozen Yogurt on it." - you wouldn't just smash your camera into a million bits because of how incredibly stupid that idea is. Which you would almost certainly do in any other case.
You'd probably just smile and say, "Sure baby, that's great."

So hot that if you were in an ice cream parlor and she asked to taste three or four flavors - you wouldn't even get annoyed. You wouldn't even think to yourself, "Really??? You don't know what fucking Butter Pecan tastes like?"



Because you know when you get home she'll be laying around in a baggy Misfits shirt asking if you want to watch the new Dark Shadows box set she bought. And you'll be all "yyyeeeeaaaaahhhh...."

Top Ten of 2008 addendum...

Goddamn... how did i forget this?

Oh I know how... i've been purposely keeping this band a relative secret because it would be so annoying if I ever heard them playing in the Gap - you know, if I was ever in a Gap. Which I have never, nor would ever, do.

...

Well, yes. These are Gap jeans. But I mean, they were a gift, dick.

...

I know they fit me well. And yes, it was quite a lucky guess on the part of the person who bought them for me, who certainly was not me, and they got the size exactly correct. I wasn't in a fucking Gap okay? Jesus.

...

Where the fuck did you get a credit card receipt with my signature on it? Alright... ONCE I went in a Gap... ONCE.

Ahem.

On to the record... and I would have to say this is probably - well, tied for first place with the Why? record... I still can't believe I forgot this...

FRONTIER RUCKUS - The Orion Songbook
Unbelievable record - available on Itunes and from Quite Scientific Records.

things to like: top 10 albums of 2008

10. marnie stern - this is it and i am it...
total shredder. her last record (in advance of the broken arm) was amazing too.


09. king khan and the shrines - the supreme genius of...
2008 was a great year for throwback garage - and apparently a good year for throwback psychedelia (although i've yet to hear anything as good as say twink, or captain beyond, etc). But this record is a fucking burner front to back - classic king khan, super catchy and succinct. go back and check out the king khan and bar b q stuff too.


08. department of eagles - in ear park
its like the members of grizzly bear can do no wrong.


07. uuvvwwz - 9 songs cd-r
amazing. hard to explain. if the girl from deerhoof didn't speak complete nonsense - they might sound sort of like that. sexy deerhoof. that's what i'll say. limited run of 500 lps from It Are Good Records. 499, because i just ordered one.



06. high places - high places
quote the thrill jockey - "High Places’ songs contain a fascinating range of aural layers: bells and bird calls over a wash of ocean waves; mallets hitting mixing bowls over treated guitar and glockenspiel; Mary's reflective vocals over Rob's homemade beats. The result is an imaginative and spacious amalgamation of sounds with a unique, almost Caribbean undertone that is as immediate as it is refreshing."


05. grouper - dragging a dead deer up a hill
i wanted to include a video here - but there really aren't many good videos of grouper. there's one where she's sitting at a table making one noise for 30 seconds. but i mean, i just described it completely. great haunting, echo-ey amazing record. and easily the best album art of 2008.


04. the war on drugs - wagon wheel blues
digital age americana. a really solid record that mixes the familiarity of springsteen with the shoegaze leanings of my bloody valentine with maybe some electronic sounds... etc.?


03. beach house - devotion
seriously, no words. just watch.


02. the walkmen - you and me
i was one of those people that slept on the walkmen. i always knew they were really good - but i would always pass on going to see them live and never really got excited to hear a new record - etc. aside from their cover of Pussycats i never listened to one of their full albums. this album is ridiculously good. the recording is amazing, and front to back there's not a skip track on it. seeing them live on the tour for this record was the first time i'd been really jealous of a band in a long time. check it.


01. why? - alopecia
easily my favorite and most listened to record of the year. and in 2006, i believe, why? also took my top spot with elephant eyelash. yoni wolf is an amazing songwriter, great lyrics - every project he's involved with is gold.

Japanese Baseball Team Drafts Woman Pitcher, Catcher Jokes Follow

A big hooray for Japan and their progressive baseball culture! Today some team called the Kobe9 Cruise drafted 16 year old Eri Yoshida. Yoshida, known for her impressive knuckleball (i know, i know) showed up to the draft in her high school uniform - a move which confused most of the world, seeing as how the event had nothing to do with filming a pornographic movie.

Yoshida was quoted as saying she modeled her pitch after some guy in America that plays for the Boston Red Sox - which I am told is a professional baseball team and not just a group of people who are bad at doing laundry.

When asked for a comment, that guy, whose name is Tim Wakefield said "I'm honored that someone wants to become me."

This comment caused a long pause as Yoshida stared blankly at her translator for a few minutes, remembered that she actually speaks fluent English, and concluded - correctly - that Tim Wakefield is an idiot.

Wakefield is one of only two Major League pitchers currently playing who rely on the knuckleball. The other being Seattle's R.A. Dickey, a man who I can only assume goes by R.A. because his actual name is Rumps Afulluv.

The manager for the Cruise spoke highly of his choice. "Her sidearm knuckleballs dip and sway, and could be an effective weapon for us," said Yoshihiro Nakata. He then added "Super crazy happy snake horse rainbow baseball fantastic!"

It was a victory for Japanese women everywhere who normally don't have time for baseball as they are usually either A) dancing with fans in their hands or B) being scary and crawling out of tv's and wells.

Even Toshihiko Kasuga, the director of the Women's Baseball Association of Japan, was supportive:
"I think her recruitment is in part for the publicity, it would be extremely hard for women to squarely compete against men in any sport."

And how!

Living in the South 02: the Police

Ah, police officers.
I know, I know - they aren't all bad.

But...

Perhaps you saw this article about our new Sheriff here in Orange County? This level of stupidity says something about the new Sheriff, but also about the people - because that's the only level of communication they can handle. And of course about the news for repeating it - I don't understand, was there no new footage of that surfing squirrel?

I still vote in the county I grew up in, where the sheriff who won - his last name is Borders. He ran on this catchphrase - "Keep Our Borders."

Our county borders? Keep them from who? Those god damn Volusians? I mean, clever use of his name being Borders aside... he's essentially running on a reference to keeping foreign people ("furners" as they say in that county) out of America - for a county sheriff's position.

And you know what? He won by a fucking landslide. But in all fairness, after the election, I looked at the ballot and every candidate listed first won except for one, and that person had a very long German name, and was a woman.

And today, I come across this article. Long story short, a woman signs up for the KKK on the internet, agrees to come to an initiation ritual, she travels from Oklahoma to meet these clan members in Louisiana, they go to a campsite, the clan members kill her. Apparently there is some sort of conjecture about there possibly being "foul play" involved - which seems pointless to debate when one is talking about cult members killing a woman at a ritual in the woods. But that's just my progressive viewpoint.

Apparently the 7 clan members involved then tried to cover up what they did, including burning the woman's personal belongings. They are both men and women, ranging from ages 20-30. At the scene of the crime they found multiple clan robes - one emblazoned with a patch that said "KKK Security Enforcement" - belonging to someone who is obviously not very good at his job.

Capt George Bonnet provides us with this completely irrelevant piece of news :
"We haven't completely sorted out if they finished the initiation... I assume that they had started it, but I don't know if they were finished."

Thanks Cap!

And then when you think it can't be any worse, old Sheriff Jack Strain lets us know there is nothing to worry about, letting the public know there is no reason to be concerned:
"This is not what I would call an established Klan group," he said. "The Klan has a pretty high association with violence. Some of these guys are just crooks, sociopaths... I can't imagine anyone feeling endangered or at risk by any one of these kooks."

I mean, I could think of at least one person who might have felt endangered and at risk.
(Spoiler: the person they killed)

Just your average sociopathic, murdering, cult joining crooks folks - you can go back to watch Biggest Loser now.

Ask Phil - 004

Dear Phil:
I am 17 (almost 18!) and am in my first real relationship. I think I love him, and I'm pretty sure he loves me. But sometimes I feel confused. We've talked about having sex, but we haven't yet - I want to be sure that we're in love. How can I tell?

signed,
boringaroundtherosies


boringaroundtherosies,

You've come to the right place, I know a thing or ten about love. And here are the ten!

1. Love does not hurt. Physical and/or emotional abuse are not a part of love. Arm wrestling is a big part of any relationship - but you shouldn't get punched more than once when you lose. And the rule is: 1 punch = 2 slaps. That rule is widely accepted in a court of law, as it was written on a rock that moses found - right after he took an engraving class at Egypt Community College.
2. Love is not manipulative, it should not be used to get others to do what you want. You should never give in to demands based on the, "You would do it if you loved me!" tactic. Sex is pretty much the only exception to this rule. As it is widely known that your partner will enjoy everything you want to do, they just don't know it yet. A good alternative to "You would do it if you loved me!" is "Just let it happen baby."
   
3. Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring. As an aside, it is important to say that even a man can love. A man can love a car, money, and/or a Japanese woman.
   
4. Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person's happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values, being untrue to yourself, or having to put your boxes of comic books in your closet because someone is tired of looking at them.
   
5. If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love - only Jesus can demand that of you. Apparently he pretty much has free reign to do whatever he wants. You turn one fucking jug of water into wine and all of a sudden you're Miley Cyrus. I don't want to point out the obvious, but even a common prisoner can turn water into wine (see: http://www.wikihow.com/Brew-Cheap-Wine).
   
6. It is very easy to confuse lust for love, as they sound very similar. "The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust not physical attraction" - is what ugly people say.
7. It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? However, it does make you a slut. Don't beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion. It is also a good idea to put a bunch of trashy pictures of yourself on Myspace and Facebook - and then post the link in the comments section of this lovely blog.
   
8. Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory. In fact, sex is almost always better when you do not love the person you are having sex with. Sex, like movies and rock music, is almost always ruined by emotion.
9. Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is not always a reason. When somebody falls out of love with you it does not reflect upon your value as a person or your desirability - unless of course it does. How many times does someone have to ask you to dress up like Rei from Evangelion (see: Rei from Evangelion) before you do it? Ask yourself that next time you're alone and listening to sad-ass Jeff Buckley.
   
10. Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated - but exactly like the one ring - will lead you to Mordor. And the next thing you know your chubby friend is going to start thinking she's better than you - and she'll probably eat all of your elven bread.

I hope that answers your question!

Phil.

living in the south 01 - a multipart expose

As a 26 year old male, of above average intelligence, who has lived in the southern united states his entire life - I know what it feels like to be surrounded by idiots. Like completely surrounded, so surrounded that even Indiana Jones would give up. And he didn't even give up when that unpainted blue man group made the entire world spin backwards - while that kid from the disney channel ran around going "no-nononnono! no! no!" (see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IXCK1EyP4s) - and Cate Blanchett acted like a russian or german or armenian bomber pilot or some shit - i honestly couldnt tell you what the fuck happened at the end of that movie.

Point is. Teh Suxor.

If you are not from the south and are wondering what the experience entails, here is a pretty succinct example:

Okay... close your eyes and imagine you're in school. The teacher asks a question to the class, and you know the answer. You raise your hand, the teacher calls on you, and confidently you answer. You got it right! Congratulations!

Oh wait, now 55 people are going to kick you in the balls.

And then the 20 people in the class who don't know the answer, they all get a bag of money.

And oh no, they were all bags of your money.


Keep in mind, this is a metaphor.
In real life your class would have 70 kids and no teacher.

The reason I bring this up is this morning, while depositing a secret sum of money into my member's only credit union - there was a contracting crew in the parking lot. I started to get out of my car to go into said financial institution, and was very careful not to let my door hit the door of a huge truck, driven by a man who was either blind, or had no arms. And despite his not fully grasping the idea of a parking space - one must commend a blind, no armed man for getting even close to within the lines of said parking spot.

One time Stevie Wonder tried to parallel park, and that's how Flavor Flav was born - according to science.

Imagine my surprise when I found that the driver of the truck was neither blind - nor horribly maimed (although both fates should befall him immediately). I became aware of these startling facts when he said the following:

"Bednawscratchmahtruck."

And i shit you not. He actually spit after he "said" that.

So I say the only thing one could say in this situation...
"Huh?"

"Bednawscratchmahtruck, nerd."

Now to his credit - I do wear rather large glasses. And i'm sure he'd just been up all night cramming for the LSAT - which would explain his bad attitude.

But here's the point:
Once or twice a week, living in the south, you find yourself looking around - wondering if you're on a hidden camera show. Like seriously, did that lady really just try to return a single roll of toilet paper? (which i saw the other morning in a drug store - she even had a coupon to dispute). And the worst part - society here is actually supportive of ignorance. I would say that it is actually harder to be intelligent and live comfortably here - than to, I don't know, be someone who enjoys watching cars drive in circles, or the musical stylings of Nickelback.

This series will continue until all the stupid people are taken away by the rapture - or i finally save enough money to move away.

I'll let you decide which one is more likely.

I'm A Good Friend (Gmail Chat Edition)

Me: Dude. What are you doing in like an hour?
Friend: I'm busy. I have so much work to do.
Me: Oh yeah?
Me: Is that like code for something?
Friend: Yeah. It's code for I have so much work to do.
Me: ...
Me: That's a terrible code then.
Me: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/code

because i apparently don't like having a good job...

here's the email i sent out to my entire office announcing my early departure:

RE: Leaving early because I'm famous.

Body:
That's right. I will be leaving at 3pm today to go be on the radio - which I'm told is a box that transmits sound from one place to another.

How exactly I am to fit on the radio has not be explained to me. I imagine I will either have to stand on it like a lion standing on one of those huge beach balls in the circus - or perhaps I will have to wear a white coverall and be blasted through the air waves like that little kid in Willy Wonka.

Although I'm pretty certain that kid was permanently shrunken to GI Joe size. So I'm hoping it is more like the lion/beach ball thing.

If you would like to hear me standing on the beach ball - check out 91.5 fm between 3:30 pm and 5:00 pm.

Shanks.

Phillip.

things to like 09: robert krulwich speech

from radiolab.org:
"This spring, Robert Krulwich gave the commencement speech at California Institute of Technology. He called it “Tell Me a Story.” And commencement speech it may be, it gets at the heart of what we do here at Radiolab. It’s a treat to hear his passion. We enjoyed it. And we thought you might too."

Click here for a page with an embedded player.

Click here if you'd like to download the mp3.

This was also made available through their free podcast, along with all 20 episodes of radiolab.

things to like 08: top 10 (12) of 2008 (so far)

just because everyone else does this around this time, here's my top 10 of 2008 so far, in no order.

tim fite - fair ain't fair
grizzly bear - friend ep
sybris - into the trees
adam green - sixes and sevens
glorytellers - glorytellers
uuvvwwz - 9 songs
bodies of water - a certain feeling
why? - alopecia
xiu xiu - women as lovers
fuck buttons - street horrrsing
animal collective - water curses ep
king khan and the shrines - the supreme genius of...

favorite discovery is a two way tie between micachu and uuvvwwz.

Things to Like: 07 Grizzly Bear

Man, they just keep getting better and better.

Special Feature 03: I promise this is the only time I will do this.

America:

For crying out loud, get your heads out of your asses.

Some of you are still on the fence about casting your vote this fall - or even more interesting, some of you are going to be voting for John McCain.

If this is you, what exactly has he done to distance himself from the legacy and policies of George W. Bush? I'm not baiting you here, I'd just like to know. Seems to me, that he's pretty comfortable with a lot of what is happening under our current administration.

And let's examine that in brief:
In the last eight years, haven't we become truly, truly fucked? Comparatively speaking, of course - we're not in the same boat, as say, Iraq. Well, we are in the same boat - we're just playing the piano while the whole fucking thing sinks to the bottom.

How about that foreclosure rate, people losing their life savings, rocketing unemployment rates, costly foreign ventures that have cost the lives of tons of kids too idealistic and uneducated to know any better (thank you Armed Forces recruiters in our public school systems). Now I know that not all of our armed forces are uneducated, I'm just saying that they prey on those kids. Just watch a U.S. Army commercial - cue shitty radio rock "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" for Christ's sake - dudes with huge guns, a big jeep "muddin'" etc. Makes me want to vomit - oh, and then they run them in front of your big budget action films at your local movie theater - no young males there.

Let us continue...
So this war has helped to bankrupt our country, and now our economy is a joke on the world stage. Maybe next time you take a cute little cruise to Mexico and you're all excited to go to the duty-free shop - you'll have to just buy one bottle of Mariah Carey's new perfume. Won't that be sad? Other countries can't trust the American dollar - due to our unstable and tanking economy - isn't that great?

You feel like a conservative? Look up governmental conservatism and tell me if you think our current administration hasn't betrayed that. What you think conservatism means - is probably christianity based. Which in politics, is not so correct. Or at all correct.


But you won't vote for Obama yet?
I know I know, I can see he is black too. But in reality he is only part-black. And who cares anyway? Oprah is black America, and you loooovveee her. I know Obama has yet to utter the phrase "Take a look under your seat!" to give you the new lotion that makes you look less like you drive a minivan to church. But he's busy running for president.

And yeah, I know his middle-name is Hussein. Gee, isn't that terrifying? A man received the name Hussein nearly twenty fucking years before Saddam Hussein took power - and nearly ten years before he did anything questionable on a grand level. He should be judged accordingly! Never mind the fact that we don't, in fact, name ourselves - his parents named him Hussein, so i guess don't vote for his parents in the fall. It is reasonable for you to do that.

Oh man, and foreign policy - he's inexperienced, etc.
Well, a lot of foreign leaders (including leaders of Iraq and Iran) seem to be more than happy to work with him. Wouldn't that be helpful in dealing with foreign affairs? And while he was making appearances and speeches in Germany this past week - McCain was making jokes about how many people like Obama, while standing in a German restaurant in Ohio. You'd rather have a president that chides by making stupid jokes, rather than speaking/focusing on his own policies? And since when did the American people and press and foreign leaders liking a candidate become something to joke about in a democracy? Answer: after Bush won by losing [see 2004 election].

I mean, I won't even get into all the gaffes McCain made this week (you know, like insisting on
more attention for the Iraq/Pakistan border which doesn't exist, or talking about Czechoslovakia which hasn't existed for 15 years or so).

And this is the last thing I'll say...
Not everyone who is smarter than you is arrogant.
Don't you want this country to be run by someone smarter than you? I do, and if you're holding onto voting for McCain based on this arrogance thing - I'm smarter than you. Or at least I'm making a smarter (and probably, better informed) decision than you.

But don't listen to me, do some research. I know you're not in school anymore America - but research can help you out of school, too.

yeesh.

Special Feature 02: Unimaginative Comedians

So I was on my lunch break today and I happened to catch a little of the mid day talk radio show we have here. And they have a special guest stand-up comedian who is playing a show in Orlando tonight... his name is Corey Holcomb and apparently he was on some TV show on MTV called Wild N' Out... I hope I'm spelling that right.

Ahem.

Man I love listening to people that are so into themselves that they don't realize how dumb they sound.

First, here's a great quote from Mr. Holcomb:
"Comedy is my life, Im'a die doing comedy. It's all I know, it's all I will ever know."

Without examining it too thoroughly... is that not one of the - simultaneously - funniest and saddest thing you've ever heard...

And moving on in the discussion Mr. Holcomb give us a little preview of his material (precluding each with "I'm not gonna say too much, I talk about it during the show but..."):

on his mother not liking him:
"I tried to friend my mom on Myspace and she DENIED me! Can you believe that? I asked her about it and she was all 'I don't even want to be your mother, what makes you think I wanna be your friend.'"

Classic Myspace humor.

He also told us that the topics of his set will include, but not be limited to: marijuana, relations, and Barack Obama.

Now while those are three of my favorite things, I just have to ask... really? What's next, a "White people be trippin'?" joke?

Here's what I predict Mr. Holcomb's jokes on these topic will be:

on marijuana: "You know how sometimes you're high and your boy will be like 'They should make sneakers with rockets on them so you could fly and shit.' And you say 'Yeeeaaahhh...'
That aint no good idea!"

on relations: "Are there any ladies in the house? Ladies... what are you talking about? Am I right fellas?"

on Barack Obama: "When Barack Obama becomes president... white people are gonna trip!"

Maybe I'm wrong... maybe he's super funny...

Whatever, I'm gonna go read Doonesbury and listen to NPR.

Is it Wild-N-Out? Wildn' Out?

Are they wild AND out or wild IN out? How can you be in out?

Kids.

Things to Like 06: Watchmen Trailer

Holy Shit! The Watchmen Trailer Arrives!


Seriously, if you don't know/haven't read Watchmen... don't ever come back to my blog. And don't think I won't know if you stop by... I will... oh I will.

But do yourself a favor, screw the youtube version... watch it in HiDef.

And some other nerds made a screen by panel comparison... check it out.

Seriously, Doctor Manhattan.